So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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