you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
