i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
