I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
420 ftw
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
