You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
