I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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