he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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