apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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