you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
