Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
