I won't be sarcastic... just naked
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
