I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
