I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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