I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I will pee on everything he values.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
