My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
