I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
