my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
