Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
