I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
