SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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