Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
