WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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