All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
