yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
