An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
