Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize