i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
