the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
