I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
