I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
