sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
