I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
