I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize