the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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