3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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