I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
