Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
