Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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