There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
