mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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