I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
