It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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