Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
