Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
