You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
