i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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