I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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