So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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