it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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