You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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