dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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