yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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