everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
