I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
