Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
