Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
