this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
