I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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