She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
