I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
