Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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