i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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