Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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