She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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