I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry about my life...
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