Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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