singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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