I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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