I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
